Speaking Up When You’re Shaking: Assertive Communication for Sensitive Souls

By Dr. Arati Bhatt | SereinMind

If your voice has ever trembled during a boundary…If you’ve left a conversation replaying every word you said (or didn’t say)…If speaking up makes your heart race, palms sweat, or your body want to disappear—

You are not alone.

For sensitive souls—especially those with histories of trauma, emotional neglect, or people-pleasing—assertive communication can feel terrifying. It’s not that you don’t know what you want to say. It’s that saying it feels unsafe, unkind, or too heavy to carry.

This blog is for the ones who’ve been told they’re “too nice,” the ones who cry when they’re angry, and the ones who confuse assertiveness with aggression. It’s for anyone who has something to say, but has been taught that their voice is a threat to connection.

Let’s talk about how to speak up when you’re shaking.

Why Assertiveness Feels So Hard for Sensitive People

Assertiveness is often misunderstood. It's not about being loud, forceful, or dominating. It's the ability to express your needs, feelings, and boundaries clearly and respectfully—without shrinking or exploding.

But if you’ve learned that:

• Conflict equals danger,

• Being “too much” leads to rejection,

• Or that your needs are burdensome,

… then assertiveness can feel like a betrayal—of your conditioning, your relationships, and your nervous system.

For sensitive individuals, assertiveness isn’t just a communication skill. It’s a healing practice that requires rewiring beliefs and creating safety within.

The Nervous System’s Role in Speaking Up

When you prepare to assert yourself, your body may interpret it as a threat. You might feel:

• Heart pounding

• Throat tightening

• Voice trembling

• Freeze or fawn responses kicking in

This isn’t you being weak. It’s your nervous system doing its job—protecting you from perceived danger. The problem is, your system may still be reacting to old threats (like past rejection, punishment, or abandonment), even in safe or neutral settings today.

At SereinMind, we help clients gently build nervous system literacy—so that speaking up no longer feels like emotional exposure, but like self-honoring.

What Assertive Communication Looks Like

Assertiveness isn’t just what you say—it’s also how you hold yourself while saying it. For sensitive souls, it might look like:

• Saying “I need some space to process” instead of ghosting or over-explaining.

• Asking for clarity without apologizing for the question.

• Sharing your feelings without taking responsibility for someone else’s reaction.

• Saying “No, thank you” without guilt—even when your body shakes.

  
  

Scripts for Speaking Up—Even When It’s Hard

Here are a few gentle, grounded phrases to practice:

• “I know this might be hard to hear, and it’s still important for me to say…”

• “I’m not trying to create conflict, but I need to honor how I feel.”

• “This is uncomfortable for me, but I want to be honest with you.”

• “I’m not looking for agreement—just space to express where I stand.”

• “I feel [emotion] when [situation], and I need [boundary/request].”

Let the goal be clarity, not control.

Healing the Fear Around Being “Too Much”

If you’ve been told you're too sensitive, emotional, intense, or dramatic, speaking up can feel like confirming everyone’s worst assumptions.

But let’s be clear:Sensitivity is not fragility.Honesty is not aggression.Expressing a need is not manipulation.Having emotions is not a flaw.

You can be kind and assertive.You can be soft and strong.You can speak up and still be lovable.

Practical Tips for Assertiveness with a Sensitive Nervous System

1. Prepare Before the Moment

Write it down. Rehearse it. Practice in front of a mirror or with a trusted friend. Preparation doesn’t make you fake—it makes you resourced.

2. Use Anchoring Tools

Ground your body before the conversation: deep breaths, feet on the floor, hand on heart. Remind yourself, “This is hard, but I’m safe.”

3. Pace the Interaction

You’re allowed to pause. You’re allowed to say, “Can we come back to this?” Assertiveness includes honoring your limits in real time.

4. Tolerating the Discomfort

Your goal isn’t to eliminate nervousness. It’s to learn that you can survive it. The more you speak your truth, the more your system learns it’s safe to do so.

5. Celebrate the Attempt, Not Just the Outcome

Even if your voice shakes. Even if you cry. Even if you stumble, you did it. That’s the new evidence your confidence needs.

You’re Allowed to Be Heard

If you’ve spent your life prioritising harmony over honesty, keeping the peace at the expense of your peace, or fearing rejection for simply speaking up, this work is for you.

You don’t have to choose between connection and authenticity. The people meant for you will not only tolerate your truth—they’ll welcome it.

At SereinMind, Dr. Arati Bhatt supports sensitive individuals in finding their voice without abandoning themselves. Through trauma-informed therapy, we help you develop the emotional and nervous system resilience to speak up—not just with words, but with your whole presence. You deserve to be heard. Even when you’re shaking.Especially then.