What Happens When You Stop Shrinking Yourself

Dr Arati Bh
Jul 2
3 min read

We don’t always realize we’re shrinking.

Sometimes it looks like:

Laughing off a comment that hurt you.
Saying “it’s okay” when it really isn’t.
Holding your tongue, not because it feels wise, but because it feels unsafe.
Downplaying your success to make others comfortable.

Shrinking often begins as a survival strategy. It helps us stay connected, avoid conflict, or stay small enough to feel less visible—and therefore, less vulnerable.

But over time, shrinking becomes a pattern.A reflex.A habit of self-erasure that slowly chips away at your sense of worth, voice, and identity.

Why We Learn to Shrink

Shrinking doesn’t come out of nowhere. It’s often rooted in:

Childhood conditioning: Were you told to “not be too much”? Were your needs inconvenient? Did love feel conditional on being agreeable?
Cultural messaging: Especially for women, sensitivity, ambition, or assertiveness are often discouraged or labeled “too emotional,” “too loud,” or “too much.”
Relational trauma: If you’ve experienced emotional invalidation, gaslighting, or abandonment, staying small may have felt safer than standing tall.

But while shrinking may have once kept you safe, it’s not the path to wholeness. And at some point, the cost becomes too high.

The Cost of Shrinking

When you chronically shrink, here’s what you may start to feel:

Disconnected from your own desires.
Confused about your values, because you’re always mirroring others.
Exhausted from over-functioning and under-acknowledging yourself.
Quiet resentment toward people who seem to take up space effortlessly.
A deep longing to be seen, not for your performance, but for your truth.

Confidence doesn’t grow in silence. Self-trust doesn’t grow in shame. And authenticity doesn’t survive in rooms where you’re not allowed to fully show up.

What It Means to Stop Shrinking

To stop shrinking doesn’t mean you suddenly become loud, forceful, or confrontational. It means you expand into your full self—gently, bravely, intentionally.

It means:

Saying what you actually mean.
Asking for what you need without apologising.
Holding your boundaries even if your voice shakes.
Celebrating your success without dimming it.
Letting yourself be seen—messy, tender, imperfect and real.

What Happens When You Finally Take Up Space

1. Your Nervous System Learns You’re Safe in Your Fullness

Shrinking is often a nervous system response to past relational danger. As you begin to express more of yourself—especially in safe, validating spaces—you start to rewire that response.

At SereinMind, therapy often involves this nervous system literacy: learning how to feel safe in your body while speaking your truth, asserting your needs, and taking up space. Dr. Arati Bhatt gently supports clients in reclaiming presence, physically and emotionally.

2. Your Relationships Shift—For Better or Worse

When you stop shrinking, some people may resist the change. They may miss the version of you who made things easier for them. But your healthiest relationships will adapt. They’ll become more honest. More reciprocal. More emotionally mature.

And yes, some relationships may fall away—but what remains will be real.

3. You Stop Performing and Start Living

When you stop editing yourself to be palatable, you begin to live from a place of alignment. You laugh louder. Cry freer. Say no when it’s a no. Say yes when it’s a full yes. Life stops feeling like a stage and starts feeling like a homecoming.

4. You Begin to See Yourself

One of the most powerful shifts? You start witnessing yourself with compassion.

You stop asking:

“How do they see me?”

And start asking:

“How do I feel about myself?”

That shift is everything.

How to Start Expanding, Gently

Notice your shrinking habits. Do you minimise, over-apologise, or defer? Awareness is the first act of resistance.
Use your voice in low-stakes moments. Share an opinion. Ask a question. Take small daily risks that build your self-trust muscle.
Heal the parts that learned smallness = safety. Those parts don’t need to be pushed—they need to be held.
Practice being seen. Whether in therapy, with a trusted friend, or through creative expression, visibility is a powerful form of healing.

You Are Allowed to Take Up Space

You don’t need to earn the right to exist fully. You don’t need to shrink to be lovable, safe, or accepted. You don’t need to apologise for your presence.

There is room for all of you—your truth, your fire, your softness, your boundaries, your brilliance.

And if it feels foreign to stop shrinking, you’re not alone. That’s exactly the kind of work we support at SereinMind. Through trauma-informed, nervous-system-aware therapy, Dr. Arati Bhatt guides you back to the parts of yourself you’ve been dimming—so you can live, relate, and lead from wholeness. You were never meant to stay small. You were meant to expand.